Gift of the Crack Ship
by SpongeGuy
Summary: A silly story for My friend on Christmas!


"IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE AND ALL IS JOLLY IN THE TOWN OF DANVILLE!", the Narrator from "The Powerpuff Girls" announced, as the camera panned over the snowy streets, full of kids running around laughing and having fun.

Bastards.

"AND ALL THROUGH THE STREETS, NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING, NOT EVEN A MOUSE!"

A mouse began to stir.

It was shot dead.

"BUT!"

The town shook from the volume of that but.

NOT A FART JOKE.

"SOMETHING IS AFOOT IN THE HUMLBE ABODE OF HAMOSAUR AND LARGE PISTACHION!"

The door opened and inside, one could see a very distressed Large Pistachion.

He had had a TERRIBLE day!

All year, Large Pistachion had been preparing for the big day, the great day where he would buy a doggie bag for Hamosaur's dog poo cleaning business!

And yet, despite his wishes, he had not managed to make enough money from his career as a professional snooker ball counselor!

Those balls were surprisingly mentally balanced!

Anyhow, he was truly worried, walking back and forth in quite a storm.

Once he realized he wouldn't have enough money, Large Pistachion had tried to gain it in all manner of ridiculous ways: He spent an entire day working as a tissue dispenser, a stool to throw when angry, faulty letter "R"s in a keyboard and even a late shift as a that one spot you can't quite scratch.

AND NOTHING!

He had almost no money for a doggy bag!

"Whatever am I going to do?", Hamosuar thought, as he took his empty lunch bag and observed it with sad eyes.

Suddenly, as he looked at it, the bag began to point at itself excitedly.

"Think, dumbass, think!", it said as Large Pistachion made a realization!

"THAT'S IT!", he thought as he clutched the bag and cheered.

"I'll sell this doggie bag and my psychology license so that I can buy a doggie bag!"

Running outside, Large Pistachion never felt so alive, even though he caused immense traffic problems, being a large fucking Pistachion, you know!

Later, THAT EVENING!

Large Pistachion sat by the fire, proudly holding a wrapped present of a doggie bag.

It looked just like the one he sold.

Why do I write?

Moving on…

In a Christmas sweater almost as ugly as YOUR MOM (dances) Hamosaur enters, visible excitement present, and oddly zero hesitation.

How ready he was to give his present, as there was no way this would blow up in his face!

(Oh no. Where am I going with this?)

"Hello, Honey!", Large Pistachion greeted with a sloppy kiss.

Hamosaur blushed. "Oh, dear, Merry Christmas!"

"Speaking of Christmas, how about a lengthy discussion of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ's… Mentor, Knuckles the Echidna?"

3 and a half hours later…

"Consider the ramifications of the existential crises in "Sonic Boom"…"

IT'S FUCKING 23:30! GIVE HIM THE PRESENT!

Large Pistachion laughed. "Oh, my! It's getting late!"

Taking the present out, he handed it to Hamosaur. "I know you're going to love this!"

Hamosaur enthusiastically opened the gift, only to find inside…

"A… Doggie bag?", he asked, almost in disbelief.

Large Pistachion nodded happily. "Yes! I know! It's for your dog poo collecting business!"

Hamosaur put on a weak smile. "Yay…"

In order to distract Large Pistachion from his lack of enthusiasm, he quickly took out his present.

"Ah… Here! Open yours now!"

Large Pistachion happily unwrapped, but his smile wavered when he saw…

"A… Psychology book?"

"Yeah!", Hamosaur enthused. "It's for your job! Remember, you stole your diploma from the internet and that's why all those snooker balls have been complaining about your lack of talent?"

Large Pistachion CLEARLY wasn't very focused on his job, now was he?

Looking down, Large Pistachion muttered. "That's… Great. Thanks, Hamosaur…"

Hamosaur could tell something was wrong. "Something is wrong. I can tell."

"Oh you can tell! You see… I sold my psychology license, and a doggie bag so that I can buy you this doggie bag!"

"OH MY GOD!", Hamosaur shouted out. "What an UNFORSEEN event!"

Hamosaur then looked upset. "Well… I too have a confession to make."

"Let me guess: You sold your dog leash or something?", Large Pistachion said with a small smile.

"What?! Fuck no! I sold something much better!", Hamosaur replied.

"…What was it?", Large Pistachion asked, confused.

"Nuclear codes!"

…

BOOM!

And the moral of the story is: Don't sell nuclear codes. ESPECIALLY on Christmas!


End file.
